I READ THE NEWS TODAY, OH BOY....

This is the post I've been dreading to write. Mostly because I knew it had to be written since the day I started this page.

John Lennon died 30 years ago tonight. Some people never recovered from Pearl Harbor, Kent State or 9-11. I never recovered from the winter of 1980.

I was twelve years old. My grandfather who was my only real kindred spirit in my family at the time died of a heart attack the day after Thanksgiving. I was still pretty shell shocked from that psychological earthquake when on a Monday night I'm just sitting in the dark of my living room staring blankly at the TV showing some bad sitcom called "Ladies Man" when half of my entire friend population in seventh grade calls me at 9PM.

I had two friends. Carl and Vince. To say we were unpopular at school would be an insult to the true losers we aspired to be someday. Why were we unpopular? We only talked about three subjects, Saturday Night Live, Star Wars and The Beatles.

Carl calls me crying saying John is dead. I knew exactly who we was talking about. We only referred to one guy as John, and it wasn't Belushi. I didn't believe him. I was sure it was a mistake.

"Some motherfucker shot him, man." He hung up. I still hear him today saying that line yet I haven't spoken to him since 1984.

I don't think I slept that night. I cried a lot for the remainder of the year. I have been crying the week of Thanksgiving through December 8th every year since. I listen to anything John Lennon sang for the entire period and think hard about how cold and dark and gray the world has seemed to me ever since.

I have come to accept that this feeling will just hit me at this time of year for as long as it is supposed to. I don't prepare for it. I don't anticipate it. I don't try to deny or ignore it. I let it happen and then I say goodbye to it tomorrow. Until next time.

It sure does make me appreciate the love I have in the world come Christmas time. Anyone who has taken a minute of their hectic schedules to indulge my ramblings here has my undying thanks. I try very hard to keep these posts from being too self-indulgent although I realize that can be nearly impossible.

For all you who wonder how or why I'm always laughing and trying to bring my loved ones together and have a good time all the time, it's because I know all too well how quickly we can lose our favorite people and how much they are missed once they are gone.