MACHETE

I grew up loving B movies. B movies got their name in the days of drive-ins when there would be an A movie like, say, Bonnie And Clyde and then a B movie to follow it like, say, Biker Party. I think the purpose of the B movie was just to have something less distracting for people to make out in their vehicles to.

B movies have a certain sensibility that I will always love. They don't try to be serious or artistic or important. They have no qualms about violence, nudity or highly implausible scenarios. They just know exactly how to give the people what they want. Action, blood and boobs.

The genre kind of faded with the extinction of drive-ins, although it nearly came back with GRINDHOUSE by Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino in 2007. In that movie, there was a fake B movie trailer called MACHETE starring Danny Trejo as a one man army. In a bizarre chain of events, somebody managed to get a real movie made based on a fake movie commercial.

The story is about a former Mexican Federale who goes on a revenge spree after a mobster (Steven Seagal) kills his wife and child. Along the way, he is hired to assassinate a Senator (Robert DeNiro) and then set up by the same men who hired him. He also gets involved with an immigration official (Jessica Alba), a revolutionary (Michelle Rodriguez), a corrupt border patrolman (Don Johnson) and an even more corrupt political aide (Jeff Fahey).

The remaining 90 minutes are just an onslaught of bloody violence and explosions and stunts, with a "message" subplot about the political shenanigans surrounding the immigration debate. It's all done very tongue in cheek and thanks to this movie I learned several new ways to kill a muthafucka.

All the actors in the film were great (even Lindsay Lohan and the Michelin Man Of Mayhem, Steven Seagal) but this movie belonged to Danny Trejo. Trejo has been a great supporting actor in countless movies like "Desperado" and "Heat" as well as Rob Zombie's Halloween remake, but he finally gets to be in every scene this time, and it's quite obvious writer-director Robert Rodriguez made this movie just for him.

The best thing I can say about MACHETE is it felt like a throwback to a time when movies were made fast and cheap with no budget for CGI or modern rock songs or a cross-promotional marketing blitz. This is one of those movies that is not for everyone. But I am proud to say it was made for people like me.