TOP TEN SONGS I CAN DIE HAPPILY WITHOUT EVER HEARING AGAIN....

Maybe it's just from going to see too many cover bands and lounge artists.


Maybe it's just from listening to the radio at work for too many years.


Maybe it's just from spending too many years slumped over in a booth at titty bars.

But I have got to say something.

To my musician friends, DJ friends, and my party friends.

We all love music. We all love to dance and rock out and get our party on.

But, for the love of God, please stop torturing me with your incessant requesting of, wasting your hard-earned jukebox money on, or drunken karaoke-ing the list of songs I am about to present to you.

The following songs MUST be put on some type of moratorium. You have officially played these bitches out.

In order:

10.Closer (Nine Inch Nails)-- this entry may just apply to strippers. It was really cool and edgy when you would grind to this in 1994. Now you might as well play "Tequila" for me and dance like Pee Wee Herman. I can't dig on this one anymore. I apologize to all those desperate Goth girls in their forties reading this. I hope this won't depress you more.



9.Sweet Home Alabama (Lynyrd Skynyrd)-- I honestly love Skynyrd a lot more than I let on but, seriously, if I get trapped in one more Coyote Ugly vibe bar surrounded by goofy sloppy bitches with cowboy hats on, it's gonna be Dukes Of Hazzard meets Columbine up in this motherfucker!!! PS. To that drunk guy who can't hold his Heineken, the "Play Some Skynyrd" line you love to yell out died on the plane with them in 77.



(Although I gotta admit, Billy Powell's piano solo at the end rocks..)



8. Enter Sandman (Metallica)-- I am primarily just burnt out on The Black Album entirely. Plus, I can think of so many other Metallica songs that will never get old (Creeping Death, The Thing That Should Not Be) that I just have a hard time fathoming why so many people insist on shoving this one down my throat after nearly twenty years.



7. Love Shack (B52s)-- Maybe I've wasted too many hours of my life at karaoke bars and parties and this song has got to be the reason why I stopped. Drunk girls who can't handle their Long Island Iced Teas have really made me violently ill when I hear this one nowadays.



6. Summer Nights (Grease Soundtrack)-- see "Love Shack".



5. You Shook Me All Night Long (AC/DC)-- I, like 30 million other people, played Back In Black so often I had to replace the LP, cassette and CD. But, I just wish I could live in a world where I didn't have to hear this song from a band or a jukebox when I go out.



4. Pour Some Sugar On Me (Def Leppard)--Unlike You Shook Me All Night Long, I don't think I ever liked this song. Hearing it regularly in the year 2010 has not endeared it to me yet. I actually would rather go driving with Def Leppard's drummer behind the wheel.



3. Don't Stop Believin' (Journey)-- the sudden resurgence of this song just makes me more irritated with the Sopranos finale every time I hear it, which lately is too often.



2. Sweet Child O Mine (Guns N Roses)-- like the AC/DC story, I wore out my copies of the Appetite For Destruction album when it first dropped. I just noticed now that I have heard this song so many times I realize it's way too fucking long. I mean it just seems to take forever to end. And again, with the passage of time, I don't know why everyone climbed on to this song and not Nighttrain or Used To Love Her, but then I can't explain why people watch Two And A Half Men, either.



1. You Give Love A Bad Name (Bon Jovi)-- Please. I can't even feel dread or pain or anything when I hear this one anymore. It's just reached such an apex of crappiness for me it defies explanation.



I need to go take a long relaxing bath now. This list just made me feel really douchey.